State
......... of reality
The Mysore Mahanagara Palike (Corporation) election is just around the corner, waiting patiently at the intersection of Who Cares Avenue and Nobody Asked Street. Nobody actually knows the date, but the anticipation is absolutely stoic. One major reason for this local apathy is that the winner is already a foregone conclusion. Yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger is finally taking over the Mahanagara Palike . Wait please, my mistake. That is the Mr.Universe competition—an event with substantially fewer garbage disputes but a similar simple principle : never let facts get in the way of a good script. The other reason citizens shrug at the ballot box is that civic awareness is at an all-time zenith. " What does a Corporator actually do?" citizens ask, their voices filled with deep, existential wonder. The answer is painfully obvious. They perform exactly the same grueling, high-stakes labour as our highest-ranking bureaucrats, MLA or MP, sending "Good Morning" images featuring hyper- caffeinated Dancing Duck to Whats App groups at 4:50 AM.
Naturally, voters ask a highly logical follow-up: "Why do we need a third tier of government for that? Are our elderly relatives not fulfilling our digital floral consumption needs” ? To crack this complex constitutional riddle, I consulted the highest authority on Indian governance: a local Paanipoori wala who was frantically assembling a mountain of pooris while simultaneously managing a thirty-person queue during the evening rush hour
.I asked him the question tormenting every resident trapped in modern suburban hell "The drinking water from my tap looks like diluted sewage , the streetlights turn on only during bright daylight, and the local park has been overtaken by an aggressive stray dog syndicate. Whom do I beg for help—my corporator, my MLA, or my MP?" The street-side philosopher expertly poked a hole in a poori with his thumb. "It depends on your aesthetic goals," he explained, splashing a ladle of spicy mint water. " You approach the corporator if you want the water turned off entirely to 'fix the leak.' You visit the MLA if you want the park re-zoned into a concrete commercial complex named after his uncle-in-law. And you go to the MP if you want a speech about launching a drone camera satellite to monitor the stray dogs from the sky." "But I don’t want a dry tap, I don't want a concrete mall, and I definitely don't need a space program," I said, my blood pressure spiking. "My living room is already suffocating under a mountain of plastic water cans."The vendor pondered this, dropping a pinch of spicy sweet chutney with the precision of a seasoned bureaucrat. "Ah, then the Corporator is your savior.
You see, his sacred duty is to solve the stray dog crisis. But cosmic law dictates he can only capture them forty-eight hours after the dogs have successfully formed a trade union. So, your strategy is simple: feed the dogs premium biscuits, wait for them to elect an alpha leader, and immediately file a defamation lawsuit against the pack before the Corporator’s dog-catching van runs out of Diesel."
"Brilliant. err. I mean Completely hopeless,"
I sighed, wiping away a tear of pure civic pride.Now you understand why the city greets elections with a collective yawn. Not a single candidate has had the audacity to propose a functional plan for basic survival. In fact, a politician could win a landslide victory by simply standing on a podium and promising the ultimate dream:
"I will not fix your water.
But I will promise that the stray dogs outside your gate will be moderately
polite when they chase your scooter."
What a delightful state of reality to
live in ! but a state of mind that
compels me to make choices or take
action .(coming next)
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State
.....of mind
I often dream of becoming Mayor of the City Corporation one day, but only the same way I dream about being Superman. I do not actually want to be stuffed inside a skin tight body-suit and get attacked by crazy people (Modernists,reformists, Sociopaths or such others ) day in and day out. However, it is very tempting to imagine how a normal person like me (so I believe) would navigate political landscape situations.One such scenario I constantly think about is how to answer a snoopy reporter when an opponent makes ridiculous promises. My dream answer is simple:
“ If someone thinks voters are stupid, he is stupid ” .
This line is great for two reasons; It is a definite viral news headline,creates instant, excitement .Secondly, it is brutally honest and accurate.The tricky part of this strategy is that you cannot make unrealistic promises yourself. But asking a politician not to lie is like asking a scorpion not to sting.Still, it is a killer line. Calling your opponent a liar always works. But telling voters that your opponent treats them like morons is strategic manoeuvre. Lately, I am a little confused trying to figure out which current politician thinks we are dumber.
While the wily one is winning the competition of delusions by
claiming he will hold discussions with the Govt.of a thriving
foreign country /state to create an exclusive district for the Kith & kin of his segment of
society,his vote bank, who live there. He acts as if extending his “Powers” to another country is Child’s play.
The other cunning fox makes smaller, seemingly realistic promises of free colour TVs, wet-grinders etc; He seems to think giving people access to specially crafted melodramatic TV serials equals great economic development. I cannot decide who is worse; the candidate who thinks he can prevail upon foreign Govts, from his position in a local Governance body
of an Indian State , or the one who thinks every expensive project is a scam. This only assures us that ruling a state must be very simple & easy. That is, if you do not care about doing a good job. But logic is not required for politics anyway.
