First published in “Mysore Mail” on 16th
Feb.2003 when the World Cup fever &; media blitz were at its peak
TO
The Editor 16.02.03
The Mysore Mail
Mysore
For kind
favour of publishing in your esteemed "Readers" Columns"
Dear Sir,
An Indian cricket Fan's passion
for the game is Unparalleled. He can praise a mediocre performance and
hype it to an extent that the concerned
players are at once elevated to demi God Status. Come a bad performance(or a string of it) and
the team is lambasted no end by all and sundry The speed at which adulation changes
to scorn and vice versa is unbelievable.
In the wake of
an unconvincing win over Holland
and thrashing received at the hands of the Aussies,the swords will no
doubt be drawn and daggers out . Being an Archetypal Indian cricket aficionado
, one is immediately drawn towards
joining the fray and be amongst the early ones to cast the first stone and hence the following lines:
Connoisseurs
shocked by the performance of our Indian team expect the BCCI to explore all
avenues including the unconventional to
set things right at the earliest.
For starters the services of Sehwag's mother should
be requisitioned possibly sponsored by 'Amul','Nandini", 'Aawin' and
others to travel forthwith to SA to cook and serve the delicious "Veeru ka pasand" kheer to the likes
of Waqar,Akram, Streak,Hussain &co and entice them into serving juicy half
volleys to the Sachin Clone and his captain !
The comely wife of Sanjay Bangar should address the players of other sides and
deliver an eulogy on the humane virtues
of our Indian players and their
simplicity as she so well did on TV
about here beloved Hubby .
'Punjab da
puttar' Bhajju's
Sister shall be requested to watch television with a wardrobe of clothes she
wore when teams other than India were being mauled placed behind her.
Meanwhile Keeper by fate The wall "jammy" Dravid and his
beloved captain Saurav "God of the off side", topless performer par excellence can fine tune their
running between wickets by stealing crates of soft drink from under the very
nose of a sleeping lion or other African wildlife !
The feared Turbanator shall immediately improve
his batting skills by teeing off cricket balls onto the heads of
Africa's Wildlife . Suitable permission from RSPCA can be procured by BCCI ,
One day (or is it one match) wonder Kaif shall be
encouraged to join forces with Saif the
worthy offspring of former India Captain, the Nawab of Pataudi and convince
opponents to play for India just as they succeeded with fans, by offering wafer chips and other
goodies.
For once, Sachin "Bhagwan" Tendulkar buried in a mountain of pepsi cans can ponder
"Mujhe kya ho gaya hai" in
addition to wonering "Main kaun
hoon?", " Main kahan hoon?"
With the future of Indian cricket in mind, a dozen
or so promising young cricketers shall be chosen by the selection Committee and
shall travel to South Africa at the earliest to undergo lessons in game plan
& strategy . They shall undergo training to stand behind automatic soft
drink vending machines,cut off power at the proper instant and watch players of
world repute writhe in pain after injuring themselves in the leg,knee etc; !
When last heard,Mandira Bedi was reported to
have nonchalantly jumped barefoot through glass panes of the studio, leaving
all the experts tearing away at their hair. Back home somebody needs to
remind Shahrukh Khan that the only
thing left to be painted blue is the ubiquitous post box
Amidst all these radical actions, a billion ardent
Indian TV viewers can sing the highly emotional and patriotic " C'mon India, kar leye Duniya Mutthi mein"
with a slightly more appropriate lyric and soulful tune " C'maaaan Indiyaaaa kyon phenk liya mitti aankh mein".
MATATA India , VIVA World
Cup, Mera Bharath Mahaan ! ! !
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