Clear as muddy water

 

            Weathered two agonizing acts of sheer absurdity and silliness today.

 

 

1. Clear as Muddy Water

 

Responded to an Ad by a  Company looking to  Appoint Area wise Distributors for its products, Acknowledging our interest and thanking us for responding to their AD , Received the following in reply:

 

Subject: Response to Distributor Inquiry & Application Process

 

Thank you for your interest in becoming an Area Distributor and for ………………….responding to our advertisement. We appreciate your prompt reply.

To proceed with your application, kindly follow the instructions outlined below with  your credentials for review:

Application Form: Please visit our official website at (…. website link), download the Application Form, and print it.

Documentation: Fill in the required details. You must attach self-attested copies of the following documents:

Aadhaar Card ,PAN Card, latest passport size photo, Proof of Address (Utility Bill/Voter ID/Passport)

Submission Process: Enclose the filled-in Application Form and self-attested document copies in an envelope.

 

How to Send :  Options for submission:

  Seal the  envelope  containing all the above mentioned documents  & send it to ( ….Full Address)  via Speed Post , Courier or  by e-mail

 

Now, I am still trying to find out how a sealed envelope containing personal docs. Can be sent by e -mail ?

                                      

 

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2.  Baffling  inquiry

 

I   visited  to the Police Station for some document verification &  was Directed to meet the Station Head,. I was first asked to wait outside the officer’s cabin. An  ASI  was  processing a clueless village couple. The husband bowed deeply, while his wife giggled continuously—presumably thrilled to be in the august presence of 'The Law.'The resulting, unintentional comedy played out like an investigative Goundamani – Senthil routine

 

ASI: From when are you together?

Husband: "Always, Swami."

ASI: (Menacingly) "You must answer properly!"

Husband: "Yes, Swami".

Wife : (Interjecting , proudly) "We’ve been married for over 30 years, "Buddhi!"

ASI: "Children?"

Husband: "Yes, Swami."

ASI: (Impatiently)    H......... o...........     w            m........ a........ n..........  y ?"

The husband holds up 3 fingers.

ASI: So three children, is that right ?

Couple: (Nodding vigorously) Yes, Swami!

ASI: "How many are boys?

Wife: No, Buddhi.

ASI: (Matter-of-factly) So, no male child. & without batting an eye-lid  “were there any girls” ?

Couple: Staring blankly into the abyss as the realization of their offspring's logistics sets in.

 

Their expression of sheer astonishment was priceless. Just as I was about to scream from the existential suspense, the Station Head arrived and I was ushered  in. Fifteen minutes later,. as I walked out, the interrogation was still in progress . The bewildered couple was now dumbstruck, and the wife’s giggles had permanently vanished !

    

 

 

 

நாட்டாமை ……தீர்ப்பு , தடுமாற்றம்

 

நாட்டாமை

  ……தீர்ப்பு , தடுமாற்றம்     

,

நிச்சயிக்கப்பட்ட  திருமணத்திற்குப்  பிறகும் கூட ஜோடிகள் ஒருவரையொருவர்  காதலிக்க வாய்ப்புகள் உள்ளது  என்று சமீபத்தில் அறிக்கை ஒன்று தெரிவித்துள்ளது.. அனைத்து 18 பட்டி கட்ட பஞ்சாயத்துகளுக்கும் , நாட்டாமைகளுக்கும்   இது பெரும் அதிர்ச்சியாக அமைந்தது .   

     

2003 -ஆம்  ஆண்டில்  தங்கள்   வாழ்க்கைத் துணையின்  மரணத்திற்காகக்  கண்ணீர்  சிந்தியவர்களில்  951/2 சதவீத திருமணங்கள்  குடும்பத்தினரால்  நிச்சயிக்கப்பட்டிருந்தன  என்று அந்த அறிக்கை கூறியது . மேலும்  நிச்சயிக்கப்பட்ட  திருமணங்களிலும்  ஏதோ ஒரு வகையில் காதல் மலரத்தான்  செய்கிறது  என்றும்  கூட  அந்த அறிக்கை   தெரிவித்தது..

 “ நிச்சயிக்கப்பட்ட  திருமணங்கள்  மற்றும் காதல் திருமணம்  இரண்டிலுமே காதல்  மற்றும், திருமணம்   நிகழ்கின்றன  ஆனால்  அவற்றின்  வரிசை மட்டுமே  தலைகீழாக  உள்ளது’’  என கணக்கெடுப்பை  நடத்திய   நிறுவனம்  தெரிவித்துள்ளது .

 

துணைவரின்  மறைவின்போது  அழுவது  என்பது  ஒரு  வழக்கமெ   தவிர, அது  அன்பின் அல்லது  பாசத்தின்  அடையாளம்  அல்ல என்று வாதிடும்  பழமைவாத  நாட்டாமைகள்    இக்கருத்தை        தீய நோக்கம்    கொண்டதாகக்  கூறி  தீவிரமாக  நிராகரித்துள்ளனர்.

"காதல்  என்பது  முற்றிலும்  சட்டவிரோதமான  செயல்," என்று  எட்டையபுரம்   கட்ட பஞ்சாயத்தின்  பெரிய  நாட்டாமை  பசுபதி  பதிலளித்தார் . தன்னை ஒரு சமூக  நலப்பணி  ஊழியர் என்று கூறிக்கொண்ட அவர், "குடும்பத்தினரால் திருமணம் செய்து வைக்கப்படுவது  ஒரு வழக்கம்., நம் பண்பாடினபடி  பெண் ஒரு குடும்பத்தின்  நிரந்தர  சொத்து அல்ல, மேலும் ஒரு ஆணுக்கு குழந்தைகள்  தேவை.!. இதில்  காதல் கத்தரிக்காய்கெல்லாம் எங்கே  இடம்  இருக்கிறது? " என்றார்.

பக்கத்து கிராமத்து  இளைஞன் ஒருவனைக்  காதலித்ததற்காகத்  தன் சொந்த மாமன் மகளையே  கொன்ற அந்த நாட்டாமையை  மதிப்பும் பெருமையுடனும்தான்    கிராமத்து   மக்கள  .    நடத்தி வந்தார்கள் . தன் மனைவியை  நேசிப்பது பற்றி அவரை  தகவல் சேகரிப்பாளர்  விசாரித்ததில்  “ நாம் இப்போது இந்த விஷயத்தைப் பற்றி விவாதிக்க வேண்டாம். இது ஏற்ற சந்தர்ப்பம் அல்ல”. என்று அவர் கூறினார். 

         

செய்தியாளர்கள் குழு ஒன்று தன்னை நோக்கி வருவதைக் கண்டதும் அவர் குடிநீருக்கான பித்தளை சொம்பு , வெற்றிலை-பாக்கு பெட்டியை  சுமந்து படியே அங்கிருந்து சாமர்த்தியமாக நகர்ந்து  சென்றார்.

 

Psyche & the Terrifying Advisers

 Psyche & the Terrifying Advisers

When the logical brain and the impulsive heart clash, chaos ensues. Discover how one man's struggle to choose between a sensible health plan and a sudden, irresistible craving for classic lip smacking comfort food highlights this timeless dilemma.

 

Welcome to the world of Madasambrani, a man ruled by 100%  logic.He wakes up at 5:30 AM, meticulously, logs the specific grams of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats he consumes each day rather than just counting total calories and firmly believes that breakfast should be nothing but a bland, protein-packed bowl of oats or fermented rice Kanji.One fateful Tuesday  ( Yes, Yes Sevvai) Madasambrani had to go on an errand  early morning. As he stepped out into the crisp morning air, his left brain was loudly dictating a sensible, scheduled route to the destination.But then; he walked past “Hatti Idli” a newly opened Restaurant. It all started with an innocent morning breeze carrying the intoxicating, buttery aroma of ghee-drizzled Dosa and fresh Filter Coffee. Suddenly, his mind and heart went to war.

The Left Brain (Logical): " Bro abort mission! Look at the glycemic index of that dosa. We have a strict calorie deficit goal to meet today. You already prepared brown rice Kanji at home!”

The “Right” Heart (impulsive):"Hey Buddy, look at the golden crisp on that dosa! The coconut chutney is calling your name. Kanji  will keep you alive, but this will make you live ! What is a Tuesday(Sevvai) morning without a piping hot steel tumbler of sweetened degree coffee to pump you up & clear your thoughts ? "

The Left Brain: “ச்சே என்ன கொடுமையடா இது ” "Don't fall for it !  You're (were) an engineer. Calculate the metabolic disaster!"

The “Right” Heart: "Your heart needs rasam,Sambhar & paneer butter masala, Bajji , not just rice. If you don't eat it, you will wander all day daydreaming about potatoes, Masala Dosa and medu vadai! "

The heart was winning. Madasambrani found his feet magically gravitating toward the counter. He decided to strike a compromise that would pacify both sides: he ordered a dosa, but told himself he wouldn't eat the onion-potato   filling inside, and he'd use his legendary "diet-conscious" portion control. A steaming, paper-thin crispy masala dosa sitting on a banana leaf on a Steel plate was placed before him The golden-brown beauty was practically glowing, and the dollop of freshly churned butter began to melt & skate over it.The logical brain gave up. Madasambrani  not only devoured the dosa but also ordered a second cup of frothy, sweet filter coffee.As he wiped the last drop of chutney from his fingers, his left brain piped up: " So, about that calorie deficit?"  Heart cheerfully replied: "Calorie deficit is for Wednesdays, Madasambrani ! Today is Tuesday              ( Sevvai) , we are fuelled by pure happiness”   “Remember “செவ்வாய் நட்டு புதன் அருக்கலாகாது "

As he was ready to call for the bill his eyes wandered to the next table where a large chunk of  Melt-in-the-mouth Kesari Bath, glistening with rich ghee, was being served.

 

 

Indraprastha Giggle & the Holocaust

 

Indraprastha Giggle & the Holocaust

Thanks to  my friend for his terrific.suggestion,I am determined to harass you with this torrent of torture. When I informed him of my intention to write  this  blogpost he demanded his name to be featured prominently. Therefore I have acceded to Pithukuli’s  command . But,then I felt that the idea  of sharing my  candid thoughts  on “.Navigating Life in the Facebook Age” could prove to be remarkably uninspired. Pithukuli  came to my aid once again& added to it, what if this platform existed at the time of Mahabharatha & the Kurukshetra war.?

So here’s   how the Kurukshetra War becomes a bizarre online roast where Bheeshma Pitamaha, Kauravas , Shakuni Mama  and the Pandavas battle it out  using status updates and trending reels

Sanjaya was in deep thought.: Suspecting  that his  Divine   “Divya Drishti” was getting  a bit rusty he decided to create and manage a Facebook page named  “Back to practicing my Divine Vision  #DharmaWins #TotalWarOver."

 Moments after Sanjaya added members of “Kuru”  lineage  in the group  Chat threads & posts began flooding in.   

Sanjaya : Feeling excited—with Dhritarashtra.🔴 LIVE NOW: Streaming the Kurukshetra War straight from the battlefield! 📺⚡ Log  in for live updates, heroic take downs, and strategic insights. You won't want to miss a single second of this historical clash.

Duryodhana logged in to boast about his 11 Akshauhinis ,(the massive combat formation) but a viral status from Lord Krishna crashed the Kaurava servers.

.Day 1 of the Kurukshetra War started with a Facebook Event invite titled "Total Annihilation of Dharma - Bring your own weapons! “

Duryodhana, looking awesome in his silver Armour, went live from the battlefield with the caption: "Feeling mighty, gonna beat up some Pandavas now, might delete later.” #HastinapurRocks #AkshauhiniLife.

 Shakuni Mama kept forwarding shady, unverified forwards. “Forward this to 10 cousins or the Pandavas will take your kingdom!”

Bheeshma Pitamaha finally joined Facebook, but his profile picture was a default sunrise with the quote "Silence is golden.”

 Within seconds, Dusshasana  tagged him in a 50-picture album titled "Hastinapur Fun Trip 3067 BCE.! " filled with blurry photos of himself  & Shakuni Mama plotting at the local Gambling ( dice) joint.

But the comment section immediately broke down. Karna liked his own post,

  Shakuni Mama dropped a comment: ", why you so tense ? Just roll the dice, da!"

Arjuna changed his relationship status to "It's Complicated" after a very public spat with Karna on his timeline.

 Karna had commented on Arjuna’s archery post: "Bro, Photo shopped.! Professional archers use natural lighting."

Meanwhile, Draupadi  re-posted one of her earlier comments on Facebook from the swayamvaram. The caption read: "Feeling cute, might drop a bow later, IDK. 💁‍♀️🏹"

 Her inbox was instantly flooded with friend requests from five very confused brothers and an angry Duryodhana

Meanwhile, on the Pandava side, things were moving at a much slower pace.

 Arjuna was scrolling through his feed in tears. He had just seen a 4K drone video of the Kaurava army and commented: "Bro, these guys have 11 Akshauhinis and I have only 7. I don't want to fight, I just want to go to Mount Raivataka & meditate”

Things hit a boiling point in the middle of the Kurukshetra War.Arjuna checked in on Facebook at the battlefield with the status: "Feeling down. Mentally blocked.”

Lord Krishna immediately replied in the comments section with a 700-verse pinned comment, breaking down the Bhagavad Gita for him. It was essentially a massive motivational thread that read: "Do your duty, kiddo. don’t worry about the likes. DM me if you need more clarity “

 Krishna, the ultimate (trouble maker/shooter ) and strategist, then uploaded the ultimate viral Reel titled "Karma - Just do your duty, Macha!" The Reel became an instant hit, getting millions of views, shares, and a personal check-in from Bhishma Pithamaha himself

.Meanwhile,Duryodhana kept updating his location status to "Safe" inside a lake,

Bheemasena dropped a hilarious reaction image of his heavy mace with the caption, "Tag someone whose head you want to break today!" ,ferreted Duryodhana  out of his hiding place , poked him repeatedly in the ribs, and ruined his whole day.

Finally, after the war, Yudhishtira posted a status update that read: "We won, but at what cost?” The comment section immediately blew up with Draupadi replying: "Cost?! You literally staked me in a game of digital rummy”,

“O’ Bharatshreshtha  the battle is done & dusted .Now Get off your moral high horse and DM King Virata to reserve his beautiful Viratanagara resort for the six of us. No better place to unwind ”

The internet finally broke with  Sanjaya sharing  the ultimate post-war status: "Peace is finally here. Will be back soon with latest   Divya Drishti  updates”  .  #DharmaWins #TotalWarOver.