Not absurd , just different reality

 

Not absurd ,  just different reality

Preface: This post is dedicated to “inspiring” Whats-app posts by the more Sociable members of “OUR” family & some  random (time pass) conversations . I find the  subject  intriguing , so deserved a place here on my blog

 

The dialect spoken by the ordinary people particularly in the southern Karnataka region ( Bangalore,Mandya,Mysore areas ) generally permits one to express his views in a most pithy manner particularly when tempers are frayed and things move towards a physical scuffle ( or sudden capitulation to the other person’s dominance).

 Hogooou (or hogaaayee) is an unique lyrical expression used frequently by the locals which gives an impact far in excess of  a hundred    f #&^@$……..yous . And it requires  very little effort to say it.

Here’s a sample:

Prospective commuter, Waving down an Auto   “ Guru “How much for Devaraja         Market Oo?

Auto Driver (Smoking Chimney):  nonchalantly smoking beedi,shows index finger (Universal sign denoting Rs.100/-)

Prospective commuter  : “aarrrgh” ! “ VOOOooaa” Flexes  palm with five stretched          out fingers (Universal sign denoting Rs,50/- only)

Smoking Chimney: blows  beedi smoke in the face of person ,

“aarrrgh” ! “ “ooon” Vigoursly shakes  stretched fingers &palm in Quick alternating clock wise-anti clockwise motion( universal sign signifying  “no”)

Person: lets out a piercing “Hogooou”

Smoking chimney scoots, shaking his head & hand vigoursly  uttering explectives              * % && # ….. (drowned in the engine noise).

Prospective commuter’s  “Hogooou” wins him the point

Me: Should I try this sometime? Hmmm.

The use of English words in casual conversations in  Kannada is a common phenomenon among all classes of people .The resilience of  the dialect is astonishing. A conversation can happen using  short words, monosyllables or  just  Syllables ..

 

Sample this:

Dude walking past ( with flowing hair, dark glasses, dressed in Tee shirt,Levi Jeans,        with vermilion mark on forehead ………& Hawaii Chappals.) approaches shopkeeper       for Directions: 

“Swami…Palace Oo”  ? Waving upturned palm side to side (universal sign for seeking information)

Shopkeeper ( paan juice dripping from edges of mouth): “Left ,  Straight Oo”, 

Flowing Hair,….,….,…Hawaai chappals( perplexed )  “ Left O ? ,   Straight O?”

Shopkeeper (wiping betel juice with back of palm), impatiently with a dismissive      wave of his hand : “Left Oo,  Straaaaight Ooooo”, 

 

 An additional vowel “a” “e”, or  “o”  added on at the end of  the same word  accurately changes the answer to a question. Incredible isn’t it?

It is common knowledge that squabbles break out regularly on streets       providing moments of great (free) entertainment /excitement to onlookers. It is proved that certain noises (vowels only) when delivered at the right volume & modulation   can generate the same effect as delivering a K,O punch .

The skirmishes normally begin with a few choice epithets, progresses to collar holding ritual and ultimately to screaming  “LaAeee or Ooyeee” by the contending combatants ( &  a few excited onlookers too). It is also generally agreed that the one who roars the loudest LaAeee or  Ooyeee as the case may be, Is the winner. Lethal , yet non-violent. (Psst.Must confess that I rather enjoy  watching these duels.)

There are more hidden aspects in  the dialect spoken in ಹಳ ಮೈಸೂರು (HalaeMysooru)    I now intend   visiting  roadside vegetable markets set up mostly by people from nearby villages to discover  unique  nuggets from their conversations & attempt to  write more.  Suggestions are  welcome Oo

 

 

go a little crazy …………. to stay sane

 

go a little crazy

                …………. to stay sane

 Like most people I love to check on  latest consumer accessories and I have even put down views  about the newest ones in the market occasionally. But I never claim that mine is an innovation Blog. Neither is it a spiritual  blog though I have expressed  a few thoughts at times.  Anything unpredictable or characterized by unexpected traits provokes me to write. This time around, it was my friend and his strong desire to buy a weird looking  wrist watch

Now, “Friend” ( to conceal identity) is nothing like persons (normal ie.)  around us. While others  verify the make and technical specs, before buying a Gadget , Friend typically decided to buy a laptop purely for its colour.  He  almost bought an obsolete  phased out model of a vanishing  brand because they happened to be the only ones with his favorite “Fandango”Violet”  colour key Pad. It was only after some timely coaxing , serious threats  & fierce emotional blackmail by friends that he reluctantly settled for a    Lenovo Pro

 The other day when he suddenly  decided  to buy a wrist watch,(a failed model  of a dead brand) , all of us; his friends,  aware of his cantankerousness   knew that the purchase was inevitable. and so it might just be a good opportunity have some  entertainment at his expense.  A couple of us agreed to accompany him on the rendezvous

We soon found out that none of the popular stores was selling that particular model. We followed stubborn “Friend” as he set out on a wild goose hunt,.  . He somehow managed to find  the number of a retailer who claimed to have these  wrist watches .We called up the number to confirm the availability and was greeted by an extremely excited man. He confirmed that he had the “psychedelic purple  ” Wrist Watch  that  dear friend was yearning for  and offered to send his shop assistant (SA) to guide us to his store. “Customer is  king” . I guess our Mr. Vendor  truly believed in this.

As we zig-zagged through the narrow lanes in search of the store , without warning  a man jumped from behind us . “Silent Thief”?.he muttered excitedly.   Our first reaction was to bolt .” Silent Thief ”?  Are you here for the .” Silent Thief”? he repeated .Closer examination revealed that he was trying to help . Fancy that !  “Yes.we are” ! The weird purple wrist watch was called….. “Silent Thief ”. We followed our visibly Excited “Friend” & the strange random SA into a dingy building.

 

we walked through  a dark narrow  corridor  which led into a  room. A gigantic man sat across the table nervously twiddling his fingers ,waiting for us. The size of the room and the way Mr. Giant placed  in the centre across the  table  introduced himself as the owner of the “company” was   like a scene straight out of a  third grade Bollywood Dacoit Movie.. &  he  reminded us of the notorious  filmy villain Mogambo. we  never imagined that man-mountain  would be so eager to receive us  . So much for silent thief !

 

Mogambo explained at length  to us how his company along with his  “corporate” partner would soon revolutionize the wrist watch market in India. “S A ” barged into  the room and  held out “silent thief” . Ecstatic  Friend   grabbed it & waving jubilantly  to everyone even attempted to give  a high five to Mogambo who was exulting with   (malicious ?) satisfaction . The excitement in the store was palpable until S A  realized that his job was done. He asked us to “carry on” and left. Mogambo  kept rambling on,

Finally, “Friend” holding his prized   watch  close to him  made the payment and got up to leave, all the while   trying to convince us how  “Silent Thief”  was way “cooler” than anything else in the market. As we walked out of the store we  were surprised to see        S A on the pavement wearing  big headphones and  humming a tune .He was  happily applying Mehndi designs on the palms of half a dozen giggling young women. “a jack of all trades”!  As  elated “Friend” flashed a thumbs up at the him ,SA reciprocated with a “Tilted head" trade mark    Devanand   nod .As an after thought he shouted  “ Sir ‘mythic kaarma’ expected next week. Do  call  if you decide to buy”

Walking towards our parked car, I doubted if this absurd “Silent thief”  buying escapade could be documented effectively !  Some nuances (read absurdity) of  undiluted eccentricities are truly better experienced than read, But,I have dared to attempt..

 

Picky - for the "Right" reasons

 

Picky….for the “ Right" reasons

 

Getting off the autorikshaw I was about to enter Devaraja Market to buy vegetables. I felt  someone tapping my  shoulder from behind .It was an unexpected surprise to meet one of my High school Classmates.

 Exchanging  pleasantries, I  suggested  that  we should meet at leisure to  try & recollect school day  memories and was about to leave.

 “why not now?” he pleaded ,holding my hand. “ my wife in the  shop over there purchasing clothes ” he said pointing to one of the many shops on either side of the market entrance. At the shop the lady was  carefully inspecting  heaps of dresses pulled out from the racks by the Shop keeper.  Friend introduced me to her  “Nimma wife barlillva”.? she asked In a tone that suggested admonishment,  I answered by only  shaking my head  . She “instructed” my friend to help her choose a dress. Instantly he held  a blue outfit  triumphantly aloft “Do you want me to look like a hospital Nurse”?

she hissed  “ Err, you’re right he replied.” he said and continued to rummage through the piles of clothing.  She  gave him a stern look and pointed to the loft  .Soon the couple had ransacked the shop..The shopkeeper looked on helplessly. I wanted to leave but my friend implored me to stay .  The shopkeeper even offered two wooden stools for us out of pity . For the next  15 minutes friend exhibited great expertise by shifting his attention from conversing with me & Selecting Clothes .   

                                            

I discovered that the Lady was averse to shades of Red, Crimson, orange,  etc, “ I hate these  shades .Reminds me of Violence”.    “I am Not that Type” She chided  my  friend .I could imagine she not wearing red dress …But what about  not consuming vegetables like carrot, beetroot & Tomato? ( I almost forgot that I was here to purchase Veggies),   Ridiculous.

I soon understood that friend was a thoroughly domesticated man & followed order obediently .

All the While friend who was watching the mayhem ,unable to restrain himself any further  blurted feebly “Looks like you’re confused . You are very bad at selection”.

Not to be outdone she shot back “Yes Certainly” !.

At the earliest opportunity, I somehow,   sneaked out of the shop  and returned home. Suddenly remembering the Lady’s last rebuke  I could            not but wonder “ She definitely was not just referring to the Clothes”

As for me, I feel proud  that I have been resilient enough to dodge visiting any  clothing  Store with “Family”. And I am proud of my skill.