Dumpsites

Dumpsites for the elderly

                                                        18.09.2017

Recently, I visited my friend of 50 years at a home for  aged people  where he has ’settled’. (Incarcerated?) Not having met for over 3 years,I expected to see the same old face: a perpetual smile , inquisitive, beady eyes and a wit a second banter.The setting looked pleasant, with green lawns ,neat and tidy rooms. I was told by the Administrator that it was lunch time and that my Friend would meet me in a few minutes. Sitting in the waiting room, myriad thoughts crossed my mind.

When  children  grow up ,go out into the outside world they  are caught up   in the quagmire of fiercely competitive struggle for security,status, wealth and luxury. With growing demands on their time, familial bonds are weakened and the aging parents are forced to reconcile to the situation.

It is the breakup of the system of the joint family and the emergence of a nuclear family that has brought this new concept , and the old age homes have come up to cater to the needs of the elderly.

The idea  of an old age home is new to India. An old age home is usually the place where the inmates get all the facilities required for a routine living on payment.

Separation of elders from children is a direct consequence of adopting the living style practiced in the west.

It may not be so heart-rending there, as it is their original life style  But, in India where, for centuries, not  two but three, four or even five  generations have lived together.The relatively  new concept of nuclear family is putting the older generations  in a lot of strain.

But can even the best old age homes  replicate the warmth and security of home? The affection, bonding & love between a child and parents can never be explained by science or the best of writers.

One by one,the inmates emerge from the dining Hall. The are very curious and crowd around me, enquiringly “Have you come to meet  V….”? Engaging me in a conversation,they are as excited as children in a candy store.Everyone gives an account of themself,their children, grandchildren and….. Home . Suddenly I hear a voice in the crowd  “Yaen Subramanya?” A gaunt,bald and aged apparition struggles forward. I cannot suppress a Gasp. Here is my Friend, totally unrecognizable. There is awkward silence. The other inmates politely leave. Though shocked,I manage to mumble a greeting. Gradually we try to recollect our younger days. But this is not the face I remember. The smile and twinkle  in the eye are gone,and no witty anecdotes. There is total detachment in his talk.  

I quickly gather that being an old person is not easy . Deep inside those moist eyes one sees that these people were suffering from “affection”

 Talking with these unfortunate people, listening to their fond memories, I learnt a lot about old age and its inevitable consequences. Every story was much the same:  turmoil in the family, disgust & impatience   with the aged and, finally  their displacement from the family. Though seemingly happy and contented,one can detect a pining. Many of them live under the perpetual illusion that someday their sons or daughters would come back and give them some space in the comfort of their  home.

The visit left a deep impact on my conscience. Suddenly,now I feel more sensitive towards the rat race called life.

Death is a certainty.It is entirely in the hands of children to see the transition is without tears , pain and agony.

As I was leaving, a lady  inmate who walked with me to the gates said ” Children are so busy growing up that they forget parents are growing old”

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shathamanam bhavathi  shathayuh  purushah shatendriya  Ayushyevendriyae  prathitishtathi

(ashirvada mantra from Taittiriya Braahmana)

Roughly translated,the  meaning of this blessing is:

The person uttering this sloka wishes the person who is being blessed with a life of         100 springs in one lifetime;  with fully functioning Indhriyams (senses) during that           lifetime; and to have all the faculties held fully intact,in order to discharge all the           daily chores demanded by life; and to pursue the virtuous way of life , be it in the       physical, mental, social or the spiritual domain.

Is the above mantra is still relevant ?,Can anyone whole heartedly offer this blessing                without a a tinge of guilt after going through the  traumatic experience  of visiting

a                   Home for the aged? Some people are convinced that old age is a curse and there may    be as hint of  arguable justification of the belief.