Infinite benevolence

 Infinite benevolence      

       ......... feel much for others and little for herself                                                                            

Mother turned 90 four years ago. At 90 she could still take care of not only herself but also assist other family members.She could move about easily at home, even though her eye sight was impaired. Climbing up the step leading to her bedroom in our multi-level ancestral home with ease she happily involved in everyday domestic chores.

If there was one unique characteristic about her, it was that she did it all! : From managing the household chores to helping us and anyone around and also taking care of all her needs. She worked hard her   entire life. She could move from one task another without much thought and slip into any role seamlessly.

 As she turned 93 about eight months ago I noticed that life started to became tougher for her. Changes became more pronounced & noticeable on many fronts. Her memory became fogged intermittently. As a result she became more withdrawn. When I tried to speak louder, she would admonish me saying that she wasn’t deaf !  

She began to walk slower and then could barely walk. She stayed in bed longer. She silently fought incontinence till she couldn’t conceal it any more. She would feel terribly upset and guilty as the family supported her in fighting the challenge.

 Her food preferences narrowed to idlis, dosas & Upma.  And her all-time favourite Appalam .Soon she was totally dependent on these.

 Her hands began to lose their steadiness, & the sad part was that she no longer enjoyed her favorite pastime of neatly folding & refolding washed clothes, the occupation   that had made her feel needed as we all scampered around with our activities. She no longer stored   her clothes carefully in her shelf, which she always liked keeping perfectly organized. She became disinterested.

I tried to get the family to spend more time with her. Proximity and banter I thought were the best medicine, encouraging her to talk about the days when she was more active. “Do you remember…………..” we would ask. She would smile and respond, sometimes with trade mark sarcasm. Losing interest, she would abruptly terminate the banter.

As time went on, I revised & scaled down my expectations a few notches.  She ate less, slept more, and inquired less.

What made it most difficult in accepting the changes was that her mind remained sharp.  She could accurately recount incidents from her early days in her maternal home; stories about quirky relatives, rituals, temple and many more.

It was painful to see her trying to navigate life by herself despite failing health and family’s alertness.

 Suddenly, Chest congestion, an affliction she suffered some years back struck again. Having witnessed the courage and strength with which she fought the illness during the previous occasion we were sure that she would emerge from the current distress. But this time around as she lay in the Hospital bed for what seemed like an eternity hopes began to fade and despite the latest medical advancements and medicine, she attained peace.

 Modern medicine can delay death for a long time, but the price paid is prolonged suffering.

A very fond wish that I harbored deep within my heart lies shattered. Death forces us to recast our expectations around happiness. Things that previously brought us only joy - a family re-union, celebration and such other happy tidings, if it transpires in future will be tinged with sadness & nostalgia because Mother’s presence with us isn’t there.

I will keep reassuring myself that Mother is our guide and whatever happens or will happen is under Her benign ordination.

Every morning I still wake up thinking that she is there, sitting quietly on her bed folding & arranging her clothes. Then suddenly the truth shakes me up and I realize that it is just a fantasy gripping me still, and gloom envelops. Despite my apparent tranquility , I feel empty inside. Mother’s death was a really depressing experience I’ve managed to endure. It is  a devastating loss.

Though she has transited from this world, I now realize that she   is still teaching us about life.

Only, now we are learning in her physical absence.

It is all very well to try adopting a philosophical attitude about dying.             “ Everyone has to go, When it’s time,” . But it is easier said than done.

.Watching parents grow older is an inescapably formidable challenge and harrowing part of life.

I am still trying to figure out if that little dollop of dessert unleashed devastation of unmitigated proportions ?  The whole thing is a nightmare        & quite excruciating. And it’s a new kind of torture

 

 

 

Measure of Intelligence …………paving a road to unknown destination

 

Measure of Intelligence

     …………paving a road to unknown destination

 

 Learning that my good friend was guest speaker in a talk show “challenges in leveraging technology to solve problems” conducted by a multinational retail corporation, I settled in front the TV screen well in advance only to realize that the subject matter and related Jargon that  was being freely used in the conversation was well over my head.My assumed mastery of (the ancient) technology was of little help. All the same sat  through the show.

Had never given a thought of forming an opinion about Modern Technology or its rapid advancements earlier.

So here I am, writing down my perceptions. May sound incredulous & muddled too! Particularly to Millenials & Gen Z.

 _________________________________________________________ ____                                                                                           

 Technology (electronic, digital, or physical) is not just a speculative concept associated with advanced systems used for performing intricate jobs. It fashions the way people develop. While technology has advanced rapidly - from simple tools such cell phones & Internet to complex tones such as computers & Artificial Intelligence. The last Four decades have witnessed mind boggling innovations that have pushed people to adopting newer methods of conduct & social attitude. Arguably, earlier innovations did not have such intense impact on humans.

 Technology is being effectively used in business and in almost every area of human activity including sport and recreation. More often than not, it has been found that by adopting technological innovations tasks can be performed much better.

 The very character of all technological systems has altered human attributes and interactions in many ways, & created unimaginable avenues for recasting human behavior.

 While technology has helped link global gap by connecting people, those who are physically close together are often far apart due to their inability to               “un- attach” themselves from devices. while developing children not only face possible cognitive changes due to constant exposure to the above factors, they often grow up in a possibly more isolated manner due to constantly being  “glued ” to  devices instead of physically spending time outdoors with friends.

 

.  In an age where robots and AI are  replacing humans within the workplace, human companionship has perceptibly diminished and human-to-human dealings have been replaced with human- machine alliance.                 

Already neighborhood friends, for instance, have largely been replaced with “ Virtual pals,” and  You tube & podcasts are replacing learning & vocational training centres

 Human race is already on the one way fast lane. There is no turning back.

Born and brought up in the rather conservative middle years of the last century, I’m terrified of the steep trajectory along which the world is zooming away powered by ever evolving technology. Can Humans retain the power to control & rein in the advancements or will it gallop away like a wild horse?

 Used wisely, technology can sustain a healthy sense of wellbeing that benefits relationships at home and work and only the future generations can deliver that.

What a fantastic world it will be when the finger on the button continues to  understand & respect  Natural order by the heart.    

 

So, there is a reason why I  say our childhood days  were  the best time of my life. It was something so simple, uncomplicated yet supremely delightful.

 

The most trivial of things gave us immense pleasure. Neither did we crave for  materialistic stuff to be happy, nor was there a place for avarice in our hearts.  We’ve breezed past the most enjoyable phase of our lives.

 Like Rip Van Winkle who entertained the townspeople with tales of the old days, the only way left to experience that unruffled, serene period  is to remember, cherish, relive and narrate all those wonderful memories whenever possible to whoever cares to listen.

Here’s to the sheer joys of our childhood that I am sure you will enjoy.

 

Joy was:

…  when Bicycles were the best means of transport & fun

…. when group lunches and group studies were  Play & work!

… when a simple polythene bag would serve as a rain coat         

 

…. when running errands provided thrill

…..when Splashing water was / is so much fun

….  when we never bothered about the harmful effects of Holi                                                    colours, street food & sugared ice.

 

…Trying to catch those delicate  soap water bubbles

….being resourceful by collecting match box labels 

…….hanging out with  group of friends

 

…….. chasing kites cut loose from strings

…….diving into  the water streams , rivers & pools

……..Petting fluffy little kittens & puppies 

…….the company of cattle, sheep & goats  evoked warmth

 

……. participating in School’s mass planting of trees every year and forgetting all about it  ( it was legitimate)

……..roaming the streets like vagabonds- call it bravado!

…….. sailing paper boats in rain water streams

…….  blindly following elder siblings and doing what they did !